to think that just a year ago today she was a prayer, a hope, a dream we wanted so badly. a year ago to this day i took a pregnancy test and another one three days later. they were both negative. i cried a little, who am i kidding, i cried a lot. after nearly eleven months of trying i was beginning to think my body was giving up on having children. i felt defeated and frustrated and angry at myself and wondered long and hard on my pillow at night why something that seemed so easy for others, was so very hard for us. having had four loses throughout our journey of growing our family, one may think why continue to put yourself through the pain when you already have two beautiful healthy children… and to be honest during those really hard days it didn’t all make sense to me. but the thought, the dream, the prayer, the hope, the desire to have another little love to bring into this world and hold in our arms felt too close to our hearts to ignore it.
after two negative pregnancy tests, that just so happened on the week of aaron’s birthday, we booked a last minute flight to florida to ring in another beautiful year of his life and to celebrate the life we were living. while it is so great to have those hopes and dreams and things we want in our life, it is just as important to hold on to the now and to enjoy it. so there we were, not pregnant (or so we thought) and saying goodbye to our littles for the first time to escape the winter for warm sunshine and the salty air. we explored the beaches of naples and fort myers and breathed in all that we could of one another. we talked about our dream of having a big family while letting go of all the heavy pain and disappointment we found ourselves living in. we took the time to reflect and pray and placed it all in His hands. that trip will always be so special to us in so many ways.
we came back from our trip stronger than ever and ready for whatever came our way. we knew in our hearts, and in good time that He would answer our prayers… no matter the outcome.
. . . . . . . . almost two weeks later we found out that those negative pregnancy tests were, in fact wrong, and that we had a tiny heart beat six weeks in bloom.
prayers and hopes answered. a dream come true.
. . . . . . . to those that are struggling. to those that dream and pray and hope every single month, i feel you. i hear you. you are not alone and may you never give up. xo
* photos with the five of us and of mama and klo are by our good friend @alesyaandthebabes. all the other images are edited and photographed by yours truly.